It's been some time since I last wrote a post...with much content, life has been so full, good, beautiful... but also hard. Joshua's big brother and big sister are getting so big. Summer is here, so they like to be out in the sun. We've visited Joshua several times this summer...although not quite as often I would have liked. We miss him so much.
Last week, the kids and I were watching their birth videos and out of the blue, they started to cry. They asked if I had a video of baby Joshua, but sadly no, because his birth was unexpected. They cried and said that they miss their baby brother. Tears began to fall from my eyes as well. I've learned that although the pain of losing my son is not as intense as it was in the beginning , it is something that will always be there and it will never completely go away. As the years pass, my heart has slowly began to heal, but the pain never goes away. There are days when I find myself gasping for air, but I have accepted and welcomed my circumstances. I love who my circumstances have made me, because it's has helped me to love a little more selflessly with compassion. God gets all the glory because it was all Him! I praise God for all He has done to help me get through these difficulties, and for what He has accomplished in me. He has blessed me beyond what I could think or even hope for.
I saw this passage from Romans 5:1-5 and I really think it describes what my trials have done for me.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I know there are other like me who are going through difficult circumstances and I just wanted to take the time and encourage them with the lyrics to this song I heard today. I can testify- that every word in this song is true, so hang in there.
Click here to listen watch and listen to "Before the Morning"
"Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
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