The opening lines of C.S. Lewis' book "A Grief Observed" say: "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, yawning. I keep on swallowing."
As children, we learn from our parents to mark special dates on our calendars, write dates in our journals, and anticipate the coming of each holidays each year. We are encouraged to make note of special days, like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, making sure that we take the time away from our daily routine to observe and celebrate these special dates.
When my child died, I have had an entirely new attitude on the way I view special anniversaries such as birthdays, a baby's due date, family vacations, or other significant days. These anniversary days that were once anticipated with such joy have now become a source of dread and fear for me.
An ominous feeling overcomes me as Joshua's 1st anniversary of his birthday and death approaches. I've been asking myself, "How will I survive the day?" Joshua's death has been one of the most difficult pains I have had to bear as a mother. The anticipation of his 1 year is heightened by grief and pain as each day draws nearer. They say that "In order to experience the rainbow, we must first survive the storm." Right now…
"One day at a time Is all I can bear. If I can make it through this day, then I can look back tomorrow, and know that I am strong, Even in my weakness. And sometimes being weak, is the only way I can be, at all..."
