1 year ago today, my life changed. 1 year ago at 12:28 in the morning on November 15, 2007, Joshua was born sleeping. It was during these early hours last year that the labor pains were incredibly immense and painful. I knew that at that moment, my Joshua was alive and well, waiting to make his entry into our world. At this time last year, our lives were full of hope, waiting for a miracle to come our way.
These are painful memories, and yet I have allowed myself to replay them often in my mind, in my sleep. Those days are so dark, so empty, full of pain, sorrow and grief...and yet those are memories of Joshua's short life. He lived inside me for 7 months, bringing so much joy, happiness, and hope to our hearts.
Today feels as if a thousand years have passed since Joshua's birth and death. A big part of me wants to hold onto the year, the first, even though they can be so painful. But time does not stop for grief, life moves on, and so must I.
Joshua is now celebrating his 1st birthday in heaven. I can only image how glorious his 1st heavenly birthday is. My heart is filled with so much love, because I know that Joshua lives in our hearts, through the sharing of stories about him. It is this peace and love that I will hold onto today. Joshua's spirit offers me peace and love, and it is his love that will help me and guide me on this journey of grief.
Today, we will visit Joshua like we always do, but this time will be different. Today, we will honor our son on his 1st birthday.
Happy 1st birthday Joshua! Mommy, Daddy, Brianna, and Joseph loves you and misses you everyday!
"A Special Birthday"
Please God, make them remember that
Today is a special birthday.
Make them understand that.
The memories don't go away.
Bless them with ears to hear and hearts that care.
Enable them to listen while I share.
Shelter them that they may never know my pain.
Help them to help me know that my child's life was not in vain.
Help them to remember Lord, that I wish
That my child was here
So we could still celebrate.
To understand that I still
Feel the nearness of my child.
To see beyond my smile and the
Words. "I'm okay."
Please God, just let one remember today,
Is a special birthday!
(Author Unknown)
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