What does it mean to honor a loved one's memory? How does a mother truly keep alive the memory of her baby? Does sharing my emotions and thoughts count as honoring the memory of my precious Joshua...or am I just sharing these private thoughts as a means to heal myself and release all my pain? I hope these words, while describing my feelings, give mention to my precious Joshua's memory too. How do I keep alive the memory of a newborn baby that very few people knew, but many know of? The only answer I can come up with is this...that Joshua is part of me...who I was and who I will become. I will never be the same person I was prior to his birth. I will never be the same person I was prior to his death. Joshua shaped who I am and who I will become. I am the physical reminder of his memory. We will not get to watch Joshua grow. We will not get to watch Joshua play with Brianna and Joseph...but he lives on through who I am as a person. So, by sharing my emotions and thoughts, I am in someway sharing Joshua with you.
The path I am on and trying to follow is paved by pain, sorrow, confusion, love and most of all Joshua. I hope by traveling this path and sharing my journey with each of you, Joshua will be remembered. Joshua's memory lives on through all of you reading my words. Joshua's memory lives on through all the new friends I have met who have also lost a child and know Joshua's story. Joshua's memory will live on as long as we all remember him and say his name. I hope my words and actions properly honor my sweet Baby Joshua. I hope by healing myself and finding my way on this unmarked path, I am helping others to remember my precious son.
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